Creating strong and fulfilling relationships starts with nurturing a secure attachment. This means building trust, deep emotional bonds, and a feeling of safety between people. Developing this type of attachment can improve your relationships, make you feel better overall, and provide a solid framework for personal growth.

At Winchester Counselling, Andrew Winchester is experienced in helping couples develop secure attachment, which is important for building positive relationships. Here are some tips to help you develop a secure attachment in your relationships:

Understand your attachment style

Attachment theory explains how people connect with each other. There are four main styles: secure, anxious, dismissive, and fearful. Knowing your attachment style can give you insights into how you behave in relationships. For example, if you're securely attached, you find it easy to trust and be close to others. If you're anxiously attached, you might worry about being abandoned. Recognizing your style is the first step towards building a more secure one. 

Recognise your triggers

We all have things that make us feel uneasy in relationships. It could be not getting a text back quickly or feeling ignored. These are called triggers. Figuring out your triggers helps you understand why you react in certain ways. Once you know your triggers, you can start finding ways to manage and cope with them.

Communicate your needs

Securely attached people are great at communicating what they need and want. Communication is key. When you openly share your thoughts and feelings, it helps your partner understand you better. Also, being a good listener and understanding what your partner wants fosters a strong connection. When both of you can express yourselves freely, it builds a foundation of trust and honesty.

Be dependable

Trust is a crucial aspect of secure attachment. People with this attachment style keep their promises and are reliable. If you say you'll do something, follow through. Being consistent and dependable creates a sense of safety. If your partner knows they can count on you, this helps to strengthen the bond between you.

Show your emotions

Expressing your feelings is vital for a healthy attachment. Securely attached individuals are open about their emotions. They're not afraid to show when they're happy, sad, or worried. When you share your emotions, it encourages your partner to do the same by creating a safe space for them to be themselves.

Set boundaries

Healthy relationships have boundaries – like rules that make both partners feel comfortable. Securely attached people are good at understanding their own needs and communicating them. For example, if you need some alone time, it's okay to say so. Respecting each other's boundaries creates a sense of respect and security.

Seek help when needed 

Sometimes past experiences can affect our attachment style. If you've been through difficult situations, seeking help from a professional therapist can be beneficial. They can provide guidance and techniques to help you develop a more secure attachment style.


Building and nurturing a secure attachment style is essential for strong relationships. By using these tips, you can start moving towards a more secure attachment style that benefits your relationships. If you are feeling stuck, consider marriage or couples counselling as a way to strengthen attachment with the guidance of a professional like Andrew. 

Contact Andrew to learn more about how counselling can benefit your relationship.