Wondering whether couples therapy vs individual therapy is the right next step for you? It's one of the most common questions I get asked. And honestly, it depends on where the pain is coming from. Sometimes the issue lies between you and your partner. Sometimes it lives inside one of you and shows up in the relationship. And sometimes it's both.

Below, we’ll take a look at the differences between individual and couples therapy to see which is the best path for your journey forward.

The Simple Explanation:

  • Individual therapy focuses on you: your patterns, your history, your emotional responses, your sense of self.
  • Couples therapy focuses on the relationship: the cycle the two of you get stuck in and how you reach for each other when things get hard.
  • Choose couples counselling when the relationship itself is what you want to work on together.
  • Choose individual counselling when something inside you is driving the distress, even if it’s affecting the relationship.
  • You can do both at the same time, but only with care.

Couples Counselling Vs Individual Counselling: What’s the Real Difference?

Individual counselling is a one-on-one space focused entirely on you. It’s where you unpack things like anxiety, depression, grief, low self-worth, trauma, addiction, or attachment patterns from earlier in your life.

Couples therapy in Christchurch is different. There are three people in the room (or on the screen), and the “client” is really the relationship itself. The work is identifying the negative cycle the two of you fall into—the chase-and-withdraw, the criticise-and-shut-down—and learning how to step out of it together.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, the approach I use, helps couples move out of distress and improve their relationship. So, when people compare individual vs couples therapy, the real difference isn't just who's in the room. It's what you're trying to change.

Couple in counselling

Do I Need Couples Counselling or Individual Therapy?

A useful question to sit with is: if my partner changed nothing, would I still want to work on this?

If yes, if you'd like support with anxiety, anger, grief, low confidence, or a pattern that's followed you through more than one relationship, individual therapy is likely the right place to start. If no, if the pain is about the connection between you, arguments that spiral, broken trust, or distance that's grown, then couples counselling is the work.

These are the main signs that couples counselling vs individual counselling is the better fit:

  • You keep having the same fight in different clothes.
  • One or both of you has shut down or pulled away.
  • There’s been an affair, betrayal, or breach of trust.
  • A big life change (a baby, a move, a loss, an illness) has knocked you off balance.
  • You’re considering separating but want to make the decision properly.

When individual therapy might come before couples therapy :

  • The same struggle shows up at work and with friends, not just at home.
  • You’re carrying trauma, grief, addiction current and on going or depression or anxiety that is untreated .
  • You feel too overwhelmed to be in the same room as your partner without escalating.
  • There is current and on going physical violence or intimate partner violence/coercive violence.

Which Should Come First: Individual or Couples Sessions?

There's no universal rule for counselling. Still, a good guideline is: if there's coercive violence, untreated addiction, mental health untreated, one partner is uncertain if they want to be in the relationship, or someone is too dysregulated to safely engage, individual work needs to come first. Couples therapy can't be successful if partners can not be safely vulnerable in the therapy room..

Outside of those situations, when the relationship is what’s hurting, I usually encourage starting with couples therapy and layering individual work in as is necessary .

Can You Do Both at the Same Time?

Yes, but thoughtfully. Concurrent therapy works when both therapists know about each other and are aligned on therapy style. It can quietly undermine the work when they aren't, often because one partner starts turning to their individual therapist for the support they should be learning to find with their partner.


That keeps couples stuck in the very pattern they came to therapy to change. If you’re doing both, stick with one therapist, or ask your therapists to communicate (with your consent) and be honest in couples sessions about what’s surfacing individually.

River in New Zealand

Is Couples Therapy More Expensive Than Individual Therapy?

 yes. In New Zealand, couples' sessions cost more than individual sessions because they run longer and are more complex with two people in the room. So when clients ask if couples therapy is more expensive than individual therapy, the gap exists and many couples find that a few months of focused work costs less than years of going round in circles with an individual therapist. We can discuss pricing when you reach out.

Ready to Talk It Through?

If you’re still weighing up couples therapy vs individual therapy, that’s exactly the kind of thing an initial conversation can help with. I offer both individual and couples counselling in Christchurch and online NZ-wide.

As the first male therapist/supervisorin NZ certified by ICEEFT in both Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, I can help you work out the right starting point. Get in touch today to start your journey.